What Are Your Favorite SEM Client Lies?

[stuntdubl]

I really DO like client work. It is fun most of the time. I don't, however, like dishonest clients (or dishonest SEM companies for that matter). SEM ethics aren't so much a selling point for me, as they are a good punchline

My favorite lies:

• I'm new to SEO (on third SEO company)
• I don't have any other domains (well only 17)
• I don't interlink my sites (well only 23 of 'em)
• I have a great business idea (but no money)
• I've never signed any guestbooks (only 4k blog comments)
• I'll help write content (twice a year)
• I have a good informational site (about viagra)
• I have a great business model (selling MLM loans)
• My design company will work with you (to overwrite your changes)
• I'll pay for consulting (but not when I'm telling you about my great business ideas)
• I don't cloak (well only to the 3 majors)
• My CMS system is SEO friendly (except for the session ID's and 10 versions of every page)
• We have good programmers (who know frontpage)
• It's not an affiliate site (it's a "reseller site")
• I've had good luck with 2nd tier PPC (really, it converts!)
• My site runs itself

[Randolph]

Originally Posted by stuntdubl

• We have good programmers (who know frontpage)

ROFLMAO!

[Chris Boggs]

"We've never been banned"

[mugshot]

Todd,

You've probably just placed yourself on a few SEM/SEO Company's hitlist :-)

[shor]

• You'll have a direct line of communication (to the office temp)

[NFFC]

The best one I have ever heard is "I have a guy from Google starting next week and he is bringing all the code with him".

Bringing all the code....still makes me giggle!

[projectphp]

LOL. ALLL the code... excellent. I would hate to get just 95%

[mcanerin]

stuntdubl already listed most of my favorites but I've run into a couple others:

• I don't care how much it costs (because I'm not planning on paying anything but the deposit)
• You're the expert (but everything has to be done the way we've always done them)
• I have no idea why we were banned - the site is clean (well, except a, b c, d, etc...)
• The cheque is in the mail (nuff said...)
• I know exactly what my keywords are (my 1 page site should be number 1 for "mortgage")

Ian

[NFFC]

Q. Have you changed the site at all?

A. No, nothing, not one thing.

This was in response to a why is traffic falling question.

What they had actually done is change the domain name, redesigned the site and deleted 7,500 optimised pages.

[projectphp]

Q (from them): Why haven't you contacted us?
A (from them): Oh I see, so when we sacked all the people who worked in the IT and Marketing department, and no one ever told you, you sent emails to the old contact that all got through, and so we assummed everything was ok! Well, we will ahev to check that out!

[Adam C]

Client: How long til we see some results?
SEO: It'll be about X weeks. OK?
Client (lying): Yeah, cool.

X/3 weeks later...

Client: Am a bit concerned I haven't seen much change in the traffic.
SEO:

[St0n3y]

• I'll make that change today. (several weeks later, still no change)

[128hotkaties]

This is a direct quote:


"If your finance guy is conservative, then perhaps you all are not ready for my services. As far as portfolio goes, I have none. I do have a report that I wrote while back which should give a hint of my expertise (see attachment)."

[RyanN]

"If you're so confident why don't you get me the rankings first, then I'll pay you whatever you want"

Not sure if the above statement is a lie, as I've never been sucked in to testing someone out.

[beanstalk]

We'd like to hire you on based on a revenue sharing model. We don't have any money now but I just know this business will take off. This will definitely pay more than ANY of your current clients. (of course it will )

[mcanerin]

We'd like to hire you on based on a revenue sharing model. We don't have any money now but I just know this business will take off. This will definitely pay more than ANY of your current clients.

I love those. My favorite part is the ones where you find out that their "business" is them signing up as an affiliate over at commission junction and they are willing to generously "share" part of their affiliate fee for you doing all the work.

Ian

[beanstalk]

Originally Posted by mcanerin

I love those. My favorite part is the ones where you find out that their "business" is them signing up as an affiliate over at commission junction and they are willing to generously "share" part of their affiliate fee for you doing all the work.

Ian

HeeHee.

"But we've built the whole site and it's fully functional !"

Errrr .... what you've done is downloaded a copy of all their affiliate, um, "reseller" sites that they provide free and posted it on a free server ...

[stuntdubl]

I have a great long-term growth strategy (to double my adsense revenue next month)

[Carlos Chacón]

Client: "I Know what are you talking about..."
SEO: Great!
Client: "What's SEO?"

& Next Day...

Client: "I don't see my site ranking #1!!! What's wrong with you??""

[beanstalk]

Originally Posted by Carlos Chacón

Client: "I Know what are you talking about..."
SEO: Great!
Client: "What's SEO?"

& Next Day...

Client: "I don't see my site ranking #1!!! What's wrong with you??""

Did you read the part of the contract that said x months?

Well that's how long it's going to take.

(and don't forget the ones who question your fees 'cuz all you have to do is add in some meta tags )